The Good Girl

I got a text tonight that made me realize….

”I’m really good at THAT.”* 

It was a quite, pop my collar moment, maybe one or two drinks more into the night than I should have had. 

But I don’t care. 

I’m sitting on my balcony now, (safe and sound thanks for asking) and I’m still enjoying the moment.  Every woman has those things that make her special, that make men want them, that their husbands/ boyfriends brag about to the fellas on Saturdays after they leave the court from morning b-ball.  And this is mine.  It’s all me and I have perfected it like it is my purpose on this earth.  Lucky for me, there are not many women who are as good at it as me.  Some try, but few are truly skilled the way I am.

And that works just fine in my book. 

I’ll stay focused on my talents and you can stay focused on yours.  But of this, I am very certain…..I am amazingly, wonderfully, mesmerizingly good at THAT.

Your talented Big City Girl

* Get your mind out of the gutter.  RIGHT NOW!  You know what, I’m a little worried now because who knows what you will look up next after thinking that thought and I don’t want my blog associated with such naughty behavior.  Google tracks all of that stuff you know, Shame on you. What ever you are thinking….its NOT that!  Go look up some bible verses or something. Do something useful.

Thanks Belle

Over the last week, I’ve been devouring back posts from A Belle in Brooklyn (http://www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/).  Several people have told me I would enjoy her work and they were right.  She is a Maryland girl (from just outside of DC) living in New York and I’m a Jersey Girl (who stopped over in New York) living in DC.   Why wouldn’t I enjoy her work given the braiding of our paths?

She lays it all out on the page in a way that is admirable.  Her newer posts are good, a mix of efforts through her various major media blogging gigs and follow up after her recently published book.  But I’m more enjoying the older stuff.  From where when she was hungry and young working to figure out what love, life and the pursute of happiness meant to her.  When she’s mad, she says so, when she has a bad break up, she tells it. 

She writes something everyday; even if it’s to tell her readers she’s working too hard, or too upset from recent events to write.  It’s gritty and raw and pulls you in like the daytime soaps.  She changes the names to protect the sometimes not so innocent but tells her own stories completely naked. No spin to make herself seem more put together or flashier than she is.

Sometimes, when you can’t find the right words to express your state of mind, reading someone else’s works just as well.  It takes some courage to admit you don’t have it all figured out and even more to really stop trying and be at peace right were you are.  That Belle; she’s got me excited to throw a party right here – right were I am.  I can’t even see perfect from where I’m standing and I’m starting to kinda like it.

All yours - BCG

I heart...

Dear Washington, DC –

I have to tell the truth and shame the devil.  I am in love with New York. 

I’ve tried to hide it; say I’ve moved on.  Tried to bring my heart along to where my mail goes.  But there I was, outside of Radio City Music Hall for my niece’s NYU graduation and I could not deny the flutter in my chest. I could hear the soothing water fountain across the street even with the rush of midtown traffic.  The McGraw Hill building winked at me over the tops of the city buses.  There is now a Rain bath store right in Rockefeller Center. When did she do that? I spent two years trying to get more of the damn Rain bath salts I bought from South Africa to no avail.  There she goes, showing off, making it so that I can buy them whenever I want now on 49^th street.

I know, I know, I am supposed to love you, DC, just as much or even more.  I’ve now lived in the district longer than NYC and I were together.  I really should be all-in by now.  But the heart does not answer to time.   

I’ve tried, I promise I have.  I eat at every new district restaurant that pops up – I have the extra 15 pounds to prove it. I went to the Cherry Blossom festival this year and watched the whole parade.  OK, I didn’t watch the whole thing, or anything close, but I watched some.  The part with the tumblers and the flowers, that was great.

I saw Chuck Brown 7 times (may he rest in peace).  I even have a go-go song that I like.

Yes, its true, I adore how intellectual everyone is and that I learn something new at happy hour on a random Tuesday. And I now have a whole new respect for the art that is Sunday brunch. All of those things are nice, but they just aren’t enough.

Washington, sweet dear Washington. You have been good to me. The jobs, the friends, the experiences, you have given it your all.  You are that warm comfy sweater; a safe place to be.  I wish there was more between us, I do. 

DC, I love you, but I’m not IN love with you.

In New York, I am free.  She understands me and there is no box to fit into, no uniform, no pretending. It is comfortable and right and the chaos makes sense with me in the middle of it.  New York brings out the best me.  And I love her for it.

"True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist, 
Nor can it be hidden where it truly does."   

Standing in Time Square, H&H bagels, ice skating in Bryant Park – these things warm my heart.  I still get excited walking up to Madison Square Garden.  I just don’t feel the same walking by the White House or the Capitol. 

I hope that we can still be friends, DC.  I know you are going to be a little upset for awhile after reading this; you’ve given all you have to this relationship.  We are just so different, I don’t know that it was ever really destined to work out.  Please trust that you are lovely and it’s not you, its me.

Eventually, you will forgive me, and realize there are tons of girls that will love you the way you should be loved.  Hopefully one day soon, we can sit on the mall, enjoy a Georgetown Cupcake and a glass of Virginia wine laughing about the good times we have shared.  You can explain to me why DC guys all wear that kaki pants, blue blazer with gold buttons, blue shirt, red tie uniform around town.  We can joke and make fun of Maryland and West Virginia.  Yup, we will be great friends you and me DC, now that we can both admit that my heart belongs somewhere else.

Your Big "NY is really my City" Girl

Nope, I don't want your leftovers

For the last few days I have been taking part in a nation-wide fundraiser to help bring awareness to poverty throughout the world.  For this week, everyday people and celebrities alike (with me included…in the every day people category J) agree to feed themselves below the global poverty line of $1.50 a day.  It has been an interesting, eye-opening experience to say the least.  I wasn’t expecting to get so much out of it.

·      You can eat and not go hungry on $1.50 a day, but it is not healthy and it is boring as hell.  I won’t be eating rice and beans for a little while.  You can’t afford fresh fruits, healthy cuts of meats, or really anything more than commodities like beans or carbs like rice.  I’m sure I could have had more actual food but after the great lent ordeal of 2012 I was allotting part of my $1.50 a day to a bulk purchased can of diet soda.  I know…judge all you will, I’m fine with it.

·      You have a lot of time to think when you aren’t focused on meals.  I found myself contemplating what I value a lot.  What would a sacrifice like this mean in a long-term commitment?  How could I live my life differently and help other people if I were willing to sacrifice some of the luxuries I have come to believe were staples?  When I told a work friend what I was doing, she told me the story of a man she knows who contributes 60% of his salary to a food bank in DC.  He has donated over $1 million to this charity to date.  It go me thinking about the small changes I could make that would add up.  What if I survived on $5 a day, what are the possibilities?

·      I thought about my circle of friends and family.  If I am willing to do this for strangers I have never met, what more could I be doing for the people I love and cherish?  It made me think about my pride and those people in my life that I love but who are presently at a distance because I am too proud to know how to fix it.  And those that have just drifted away who I could easily just call or go see.  Why is it sometimes easier to try and fix the world’s problems rather than those right at home?

·      It opened me up to unexpected conversations.  The seeds of a plan have been sown for me and a family member to do a missionary building trip to Haiti.  There have been so many ways people I care about have come to me and I have gone to them for help and support over the last days.  I don’t know if that would have happened under other circumstances.

·      And finally, people are quick to loose their minds.  I have had several friends offer to buy me meals (If you don’t have to pay, it doesn’t count, right?)  And for those people I say thanks for trying to be supportive.  But I wanted to stay true to the cause and taking a $6 sandwich would be cheating. I’m not actually (at this moment) broke.  (I really think they forgot).  Yet still there were others who offered to allow me to eat after their leftovers.  As if I really was a child living in the streets of an Indian slum. (I won’t be eating all of this potato, so if you want to come by my desk and “find it” I would be ok with that). I don’t know what to do with those folks.  I’ll chalk it up to good intentions.

Overall, it made me think about what I value.  What I am willing to give up, and what I don’t, won’t, or can’t live without.  Amazingly, the live without column ended up being a lot shorter that I realized it could be.  And I was surprised by what was actually on that list.

If you haven’t yet, please consider making a donation to my page at:

https://www.livebelowtheline.com/me/cherigriffin

Your BC Girl – below the line

Check Yes, No, Maybe

The evening was winding down at the scholarship gala. I was one of the few souls out on the dance floor enjoying the DJ’s 90’s “remember college” throwback music.  I was a little irritated that the bar closed an hour before the event was over.  THAT to me is a disaster.

Sorry, let me get back to the story.

So, I’m dancing around enjoying myself when two women walk up to me.

"We just wanted to let you know that we are teachers of the students that were given scholarships tonight and one of them has been mesmerized by you all night. He keeps calling you his dream girl in a purple dress.  Would you be willing to talk to him?  It would make his night to have you say hello.”

1 – I love schoolteachers, they use sentences like “Mesmerized by you all night.”

And 2 – How cute was that???

Marcus was his name and he is in the 10^th grade.  He couldn’t looked me in the eye and kept playing with the sleeve on his new, slightly over sized suit jacket. I gave him a hug, told him how handsome he looked, and he returned with the biggest smile ever.

The whole thing was adorable; it reminded me of getting a note from a friend that a boy had passed to her in middle school. 

I like you.  Do you like me?  Check one box:

☐ Yes

☐ No

☐ Maybe

Can we go there again?  When relationships were simple like that?  You check the yes box and two days later you’re “going together” and wearing his varsity jacket.  It was pure and honest.  When you weren’t clicking, you gave back the jacket and a few weeks later someone else passed you a note. 

Now, there are a million ways to communicate in dating, all of it meaning different things.  Messages through texts, emails, Facebook, Twitter, Voxer, Skype… it never ends. 

I liked it when there were less options. Staying up all night on the phone with my boyfriend in high school until we finally fell asleep.  We would wake up in the morning excited to be the first voice the other heard.  It was pure…and yes I know a little silly.  But I think we could all stand to be a little silly now and then.

I went on a date once with a guy who texted me the next day and I have yet to hear from him again.  But he constantly flirts with me on face book.  Can someone please explain what the point is of that?  We had one whack date, can’t we just say that and I give back the jacket?

Drew Barrymore’s character in “He’s Just not That into You” said something that I always loved.  How she misses the days when we had one phone number that was connected to an answering machine with one tape.  And when you came home that tape either had a message from a guy or it didn’t.  You knew where you stood and if you called back, so did he.

I’d like to go back to that, when we had fewer ways to cyber stalk each other.  If you want to talk to me and get to know me, don’t send off a dozen electronic smoke signals.  Just say so when you call. 

Or pass a girl a note with a couple of options.

Checking the box – your BC girl

Swag Hunt

“I just want to let you know, that the first time I fuck you, I might scare you a little.  Because I’m a man, and I know how to do things.”

Well, well, well episode 3^rd of Girls on HBO.  That woke me up.  I won’t ruin the episode for you if you haven’t seen it, (its on demand, maybe go watch it now, it is rather clever). Suffice it to say I felt the same way she did.

There was something refreshing in the shock of this otherwise understated artist taking command in such a primal way.  He moved effortlessly close to her, looked her straight in the eye, and shook her to the core.

I don’t know where that went.  The mater-of-fact-ness of masculinity. Did it get swept up in the ruckus of women storming the castle of the corporate work place?   Was it washed away with the division of household chores forever lost down the kitchen drain in a sudsy mess?

I know it hasn’t become totally extinct.  Commanding men still exist with a presence that blows you over.  Men who know what they want and without consternation take it.  They stand taller, their walk is smoother, and their energy parts crowds leaving a wake of admirers along their path.  Confidence and accomplishments are effortless to them. 

It is a thing of beauty.

I’m not talking about cave men that beat their chests and burb out the alphabet. Stay with me here. There used to be more than just Jay Z and Denzel who had true swagger.  I feel like the ranks are starting to thin out. 

Is it our fault?  Come on guys, you can tell us if it is.  Have us women taking over the boardrooms and the courtrooms suffocated and killed the very thing we find so appealing?  I can’t help but wonder if we have taken it for granted in our race to take over the work place and without the proper sun and watering it has started to wilt.

If so, I think it is time to do something about it.  Before it is too late.  I am willing to lead and recruit for the counter movement if that will bring the man’s man back.   I’m not quitting my job of course sillies, but I will make this my top priority.  Like any good cause, you need a champion, and I, my dear fellas, am your gal.

Just tell us what you need gentlemen, what will help counter this ugly situation?  Don’t be shy; let’s tackle this together.  Is it the cooking thing?  I will teach some women how to cook.  I have to admit, we might have taken the “I’m not going into the kitchen thing” a little too far.  We have to eat too.

Is it more than that?  A little late night stimulation?  I know, let’s lead a field trip or two to the stripe tease classes so that after taking over the world, our manly men have something to look forward to coming home to. 

Will that do it?

Should we call the first lady?  Maybe we should, just in case. She can tell us how she keeps her man with that constant tip when he glides up the steps of Air Force One.  We can make it a full semester course.

We all need to be in this together.  No more pointing fingers across the battle lines of the sexes.  A man stands taller when he has a woman by his side that looks at him and admires him like he runs the world.  And we love looking at you when you look like that.

I think it is time that we brought “Manly” back.

Your Big City Girl – On a full blown swag hunt

East of the West Wing

It’s one of those nights - I’m enjoying disk 29 of my prized complete series of The West Wing.  When I want to be inspired I look to Josh, Toby, Donna, and CJ.  Beautifully flawed yet well intended; they follow their passions even off a cliff.  I am far less noble, but I’m them. My heart leads my actions: good, bad, or otherwise.  And it works, somehow for them, and for me.

I realized in this episode, that I’m Donna.  She’s reading profiles of people eligible for pardons, and she can’t cull down the list because she’s gotten invested in all of their stories.  I too have never learned, in work or play, how to keep life at arms length.  I lead with my heart in…well everything really.  I’m an all-in girl (I think its part of my charm but I might be fooling myself). 

I can appreciate those people who are cool, calm, and collected.  I don’t understand them at all.  I erupt when I’m angry or hurt and throw everything I have behind something or someone I believe in.  When I love something, there is no question.  When I don’t, there is no doubt.  It might be why I love this show so much.  A full cast of people with no capacity to exist without passion.

“You want to impress me? Do something. Talk is cheap.”

A man just yelled that at Toby and stormed away.  That was the line I was looking for: the theme to sum up my day.  A day that was filled with words and meaningless gestures.  I realized that is what I wanted to say.  Wanted to scream, because that’s what we passionates do, we raise our voices when we feel something. 

“Do something!!”

Talk is cheap and I had been talking and listening all day.  Talking and listening for days actually.  Having circular conversations with people chasing their tails.  Spinning in comfortable circles working to convince me that spinning makes sense.  Nothing infuriates me more than being around people who have the capacity to run and do great things – who instead stand there and spin.  I get dizzy very quickly.  And frustrated with the waste of potential even quicker.  I mean, what would Josh do?  He would take action, move ahead, do something that made the world better.  Or at least try to.  He would piss off a lot of people along the way, but the end would justify the means. A step ahead is a step ahead.  It’s infinitely better than spinning in a circle.

“Talk is cheap.”

I don’t really have any answers on this one. You can lead a horse to water but not make them admit they are thirsty.  But at least Donna and the gang made me feel right at home.  I turned off the cell and the blackberry, took a few Advil and drank some sake.  Yeah, I know; dinner of champions.  Don’t worry; I had a slice of my favorite Naked Pizza too.  A girl has to be balanced with all this spinning going on around her.  Maybe tomorrow I can get some of the spinning to stop.

Donna got all but one of the people pardoned. A little passion can go a long way.

Your BC “Donna at heart” Girl