I got a headlight fixed this Saturday and my usually very nice mechanic yelled at me because my car had NO oil in it. I kept looking at him like he was crazy (his English is not that great), so he stopped trying to explain and showed me. He pulled the dip stick out 3 times, and each time it came out clean and dry. I was shocked, where did it go? I figured it was dirty, but gone? I didn't know that was an option.
I love my car, (her name is Kanadi) but since I only use her to get back and forth 20 blocks to work and to happy hour on U Street, I sometimes forget the general care and feeding she requires. How dirty can the oil really get in the garage at my office? I was supposed to get it changed in October, but don’t I get a few months buffer since she’s a “kept” car? Those timeframes are for the “worker cars” that commute to far places, like Fairfax or Baltimore. My car is a social car; her oil should have some extra mileage to it.
OK, maybe not.
He asked me what I wanted to do about this oil situation, so I asked him to add some (leaving with it empty seemed like a bad idea) and I would get it changed on Monday. I had plans that night and it took him longer to change the broken light than I expected. I still needed to get dressed and didn’t want to be late.
He replied “That’s ok, just leave it as it is. We do broken engine here too. You can just bring it back then.”
Humph. Smart ass.
His English got real clear on that one.
It’s now Monday and as instructed, I am getting the oil changed. I'm sitting here secretly thinking that it should be half price - since it was empty and all to start. I know this isn’t an option on the price list, but technically, it’s not really a change but a fill. From my perspective, that is like half the work. I should at least get some free windshield washer fluid or something.
Your BCG grease monkey
Monday, January 18, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
A Lady Friend by Any Other Name
As relationships outside of marriage morph from occasional sex partner to live-in “others,” I’m memorized by the titles we use and what they really imply. So I thought I’d give a BCG definition to some of the more common ones.
=====CAUTION======
You have been called some of these things in the past by someone you dated. Once or twice could be just a slip, but if this is all he/she calls you… take note.
If that upsets you, your problem is with that person, not me. If you email me/post a comment with your particular story, and insist that you are different and my rules don’t apply to you, I’m going to be polite and say “Yes you are. Your situation is special and you mean more to him/her than that. He/she feels stronger for you and you are the exception that falls outside of these silly rules.”
Please know, I don’t really mean it. It’s just something I will say to be considerate of your feelings and make me seem like a nicer person. I’m not a jerk, and don’t want to make you feel bad. But I can’t change the facts or tell you what to do about them. So please direct your fussing to the proper person.
NAMES MEN GIVE WOMEN
Girlfriend/ Wifey
You have been in the mix for a while; maybe even years. You make dinner, do the laundry, help in a pinch, or just look great when you go out (relationship specifics may vary). He realizes in return he is supposed to be faithful, available, and supportive. He may not accomplish any or all of these 3, but understands that his failure will result in a “We need to talk” moment. He cares enough to sign-up for that, and introduces you to his boys.
Friend
You may or may not be someone he has dated. He values/respect you enough to want you in his life, even in a casual way. It includes women that he has slept with, or would like to sleep with, in addition to acquaintances and associates with no sexual connection. If there is a sexual connection, there is no exclusiveness, even if you think there is. He feels open to wander and explore any and all other options at his (in)discretion.
Lady Friend
He does not intend to see you much past this one time when he had to introduce you. He isn’t concerned if you will be friends long-term. He might not think your smart enough or pretty enough. What ever the situation, this is one step above “Woman I went out with once, sort of. But it was nothing.” Don’t take it personally, keep it moving and make sure he pays for dinner. It’s the least he can do.
Shorty
The song says it all “Even though I’m not your man your not my girl I’m a call you my Shor…..ty.” You are amazing in bed and quite the freak. You should teach a class. You get to go with him to the club, boy’s weekend in Vegas, and your phone consistently rings after 2am. Take a look now- can you see any calls from him in your log before midnight? You will never be the wife, or even the mistress, because then he would have to buy you stuff; and that just won’t happen. Know that he enjoys you, and is vocal about it. So vocal that you shouldn’t be surprised if his friends start to call to see if they can have a ride.
NAMES WOMEN GIVE TO MEN
Boyfriend
You are it. She is supportive, nurturing, and attentive. She loves and cherishes you. She makes that pic of the two of you together her face book profile picture and is sure that her status says she is off the market. She goes out of her way to do things for you; because when you’re happy, she’s happy. You might fight, but she always tries to make up. She makes sure that girl’s night out ends promptly at 9pm…before anyone can be confused about the fact that she has a man at home.
Friend
You may be one of the following: man she would like to date, man she dated before but isn’t interest in sleeping with again, the guy she lived next to in grammar school, the dude in her office that asks every day if she still has a boyfriend, the guy she slept with in Jamaica that weekend her man went to Rio with the fellas, the guy at the bakery who always saves her a cookie, the dude she met on spring break and always wondered if he would be good in bed, her high school sweetheart, the guy she was dating right before she met her current boyfriend, her group mate from college who always tutored her that she kissed once, the guy that she met at a networking event who spits when he talks, or the guy her friend has been trying to fix her up with for years (particularly every time her man messes up).
I hope that clears it all up for you.
=====CAUTION======
You have been called some of these things in the past by someone you dated. Once or twice could be just a slip, but if this is all he/she calls you… take note.
If that upsets you, your problem is with that person, not me. If you email me/post a comment with your particular story, and insist that you are different and my rules don’t apply to you, I’m going to be polite and say “Yes you are. Your situation is special and you mean more to him/her than that. He/she feels stronger for you and you are the exception that falls outside of these silly rules.”
Please know, I don’t really mean it. It’s just something I will say to be considerate of your feelings and make me seem like a nicer person. I’m not a jerk, and don’t want to make you feel bad. But I can’t change the facts or tell you what to do about them. So please direct your fussing to the proper person.
NAMES MEN GIVE WOMEN
Girlfriend/ Wifey
You have been in the mix for a while; maybe even years. You make dinner, do the laundry, help in a pinch, or just look great when you go out (relationship specifics may vary). He realizes in return he is supposed to be faithful, available, and supportive. He may not accomplish any or all of these 3, but understands that his failure will result in a “We need to talk” moment. He cares enough to sign-up for that, and introduces you to his boys.
Friend
You may or may not be someone he has dated. He values/respect you enough to want you in his life, even in a casual way. It includes women that he has slept with, or would like to sleep with, in addition to acquaintances and associates with no sexual connection. If there is a sexual connection, there is no exclusiveness, even if you think there is. He feels open to wander and explore any and all other options at his (in)discretion.
Lady Friend
He does not intend to see you much past this one time when he had to introduce you. He isn’t concerned if you will be friends long-term. He might not think your smart enough or pretty enough. What ever the situation, this is one step above “Woman I went out with once, sort of. But it was nothing.” Don’t take it personally, keep it moving and make sure he pays for dinner. It’s the least he can do.
Shorty
The song says it all “Even though I’m not your man your not my girl I’m a call you my Shor…..ty.” You are amazing in bed and quite the freak. You should teach a class. You get to go with him to the club, boy’s weekend in Vegas, and your phone consistently rings after 2am. Take a look now- can you see any calls from him in your log before midnight? You will never be the wife, or even the mistress, because then he would have to buy you stuff; and that just won’t happen. Know that he enjoys you, and is vocal about it. So vocal that you shouldn’t be surprised if his friends start to call to see if they can have a ride.
NAMES WOMEN GIVE TO MEN
Boyfriend
You are it. She is supportive, nurturing, and attentive. She loves and cherishes you. She makes that pic of the two of you together her face book profile picture and is sure that her status says she is off the market. She goes out of her way to do things for you; because when you’re happy, she’s happy. You might fight, but she always tries to make up. She makes sure that girl’s night out ends promptly at 9pm…before anyone can be confused about the fact that she has a man at home.
Friend
You may be one of the following: man she would like to date, man she dated before but isn’t interest in sleeping with again, the guy she lived next to in grammar school, the dude in her office that asks every day if she still has a boyfriend, the guy she slept with in Jamaica that weekend her man went to Rio with the fellas, the guy at the bakery who always saves her a cookie, the dude she met on spring break and always wondered if he would be good in bed, her high school sweetheart, the guy she was dating right before she met her current boyfriend, her group mate from college who always tutored her that she kissed once, the guy that she met at a networking event who spits when he talks, or the guy her friend has been trying to fix her up with for years (particularly every time her man messes up).
I hope that clears it all up for you.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The New Jersey Freeway
My frequent trips back and forth to Jersey have been the subject of intense speculation among my friends and family. I make the trips quickly (3 hours or less) and everyone knows I hate driving. So how does this Big City Girl do it? Well here is “The True Hollywood Story.”
I find a playmate.
Disclaimer – If you are traveling with me as a guest in my car, you are safe and sound as a passenger. I will mind the speed limit (you know, within a few miles plus or…well plus) but there are no fun and games. Hands on the wheel – ten and two.
Now by myself, on the New Jersey Turnpike - that is another story. I like to find someone who can entertain me during my adventure.
How does this happen? Well let me tell you –
This playmate usually finds me, rather than the other way around. It will be an un-suspecting person, speeding just a bit more than me, who gets too close to my rear bumper in the fast lane. I notice this, move over quickly to let them pass, then zip back to reciprocate this very rude, pushy driving.
Now if I were a guy, or a wildebeest, the person in question would find me to be either aggressive or very annoying. But I’m usually rapping along to Jay-z or Drake, dancing in my little blue car, and they tend to find it cute rather than obnoxious.
Then the real driving begins. Weaving, bobbing, driving along, we end up tracing a ribbon through the cars going 60-70 miles an hour like a retro Frogger game.
One such game is what got me home this fine Christmas. I found an appropriate playmate and we were zipping and dipping along the parkway accelerating and falling back, keeping in sight all the way.
Let’s pause, for a minute and define what makes an appropriate playmate for this activity.
1 -- This person must be male and in the car by himself. Girlfriends, wives, and mothers do not tend to like this game and male friends make faces and gestures in the passenger seat as if there are the ones doing the driving. Annoying.
2 -- This person should have tags from a place in the direction of my destination. New York and New Jersey are good going north, Maryland, Virginia, DC going south. Pennsylvania and Delaware folks tend not to want to play, and they get off at exits I don’t pay attention to. Playing with them could make me end up in…Pittsburgh. And who wants that?
3 -- This person (let’s just call him a guy) must be driving a little care like mine. He can not have a mini van or a hummer. A Honda, an Accord, and the diamond logo cars work well. They move quickly and can keep up.
So I found such a playmate on my most recent trip. Let’s call him Mr. Maryland crab license plates. He thought he was pushing me to the side of the fast lane, but when I followed him and then passed him, our little game was on.
We weaved and smiled and flirted for about 90 minutes, which was a great way to pass the time. That turnpike is no joke and boring as hell. I pulled in front of him a ways and about 10 minutes later he caught up.
I looked over and said “Oh there you are” and I guess he could read my lips because he laughed.
We hit some traffic, things slowed down, and he was behind me, out of sight, a few cars back. We got to the end of the turnpike, approached the toll, and then he did the unthinkable. He pulled out of the easy pass lane and moved into the cash only lane.
Cash only? Who gets onto the turnpike Christmas weekend without an easy pass? That cash only line stretched the length of Delaware. Are you kidding?
I zipped into the easy pass lane, not even stopping, now listening to Kanye. Like dancing with a guy at the club, when the song changes, you move on.
It was fun while it lasted.
BCG – Drivers wanted.
I find a playmate.
Disclaimer – If you are traveling with me as a guest in my car, you are safe and sound as a passenger. I will mind the speed limit (you know, within a few miles plus or…well plus) but there are no fun and games. Hands on the wheel – ten and two.
Now by myself, on the New Jersey Turnpike - that is another story. I like to find someone who can entertain me during my adventure.
How does this happen? Well let me tell you –
This playmate usually finds me, rather than the other way around. It will be an un-suspecting person, speeding just a bit more than me, who gets too close to my rear bumper in the fast lane. I notice this, move over quickly to let them pass, then zip back to reciprocate this very rude, pushy driving.
Now if I were a guy, or a wildebeest, the person in question would find me to be either aggressive or very annoying. But I’m usually rapping along to Jay-z or Drake, dancing in my little blue car, and they tend to find it cute rather than obnoxious.
Then the real driving begins. Weaving, bobbing, driving along, we end up tracing a ribbon through the cars going 60-70 miles an hour like a retro Frogger game.
One such game is what got me home this fine Christmas. I found an appropriate playmate and we were zipping and dipping along the parkway accelerating and falling back, keeping in sight all the way.
Let’s pause, for a minute and define what makes an appropriate playmate for this activity.
1 -- This person must be male and in the car by himself. Girlfriends, wives, and mothers do not tend to like this game and male friends make faces and gestures in the passenger seat as if there are the ones doing the driving. Annoying.
2 -- This person should have tags from a place in the direction of my destination. New York and New Jersey are good going north, Maryland, Virginia, DC going south. Pennsylvania and Delaware folks tend not to want to play, and they get off at exits I don’t pay attention to. Playing with them could make me end up in…Pittsburgh. And who wants that?
3 -- This person (let’s just call him a guy) must be driving a little care like mine. He can not have a mini van or a hummer. A Honda, an Accord, and the diamond logo cars work well. They move quickly and can keep up.
So I found such a playmate on my most recent trip. Let’s call him Mr. Maryland crab license plates. He thought he was pushing me to the side of the fast lane, but when I followed him and then passed him, our little game was on.
We weaved and smiled and flirted for about 90 minutes, which was a great way to pass the time. That turnpike is no joke and boring as hell. I pulled in front of him a ways and about 10 minutes later he caught up.
I looked over and said “Oh there you are” and I guess he could read my lips because he laughed.
We hit some traffic, things slowed down, and he was behind me, out of sight, a few cars back. We got to the end of the turnpike, approached the toll, and then he did the unthinkable. He pulled out of the easy pass lane and moved into the cash only lane.
Cash only? Who gets onto the turnpike Christmas weekend without an easy pass? That cash only line stretched the length of Delaware. Are you kidding?
I zipped into the easy pass lane, not even stopping, now listening to Kanye. Like dancing with a guy at the club, when the song changes, you move on.
It was fun while it lasted.
BCG – Drivers wanted.
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