I don’t understand how texting snuck into the mainstream as a vehicle to communicate feelings. Texts should be used to convey:
- Directions to the bar.
- That I’m running 15 minutes late (again). OK, 30 minutes, tops; but that’s it.
- That you are in hot water for finishing the mint cookies and cream ice cream yet AGAIN. As God as my witness, if you do it one more time, I will crazy-glue sprinkles to your forehead while you are sleeping.
Now, I see how a simple “How are you” text continues on and includes important updates. I’m all for efficiency. But if that simple question turns into a serious discussion or a disagreement erupts, I’m not taking the fight seriously and neither should you.
It’s a text; the modern day set of cans with a string in-between. The reliability of the message getting across has improved, but the chance for miscommunication is still high. Its easy, but you can’t hear my voice. I can’t see your eyebrow twitch the way it does when you are lying. You can’t see the tears form in the corner of my eyes the way they do when I say “I’m OK,” but pretending to be stronger than I feel.
What are we, in grade school? You wouldn’t take me seriously if I slipped you a folded piece of paper saying “Do you think I properly value the things that matter to you? Check one box: yes/ no/ maybe.” Why would we do the technology equivalent?
Worse than that, when I’m texting you, I could be cooking risotto and dancing to Christmas tunes in a pair of boxers and a tee shirt singing into the spoon. I’m not 100% focused on you, and chances are high that I will slip up and say something that pisses you off. I’m bound to say anything. Once I start texting, my competitive streak kicks in. I’m trying to be wittier in my next text than I was in my last. Or be just wittier than you. It’s a technology based “you just got served!” and I am going to win.
It is not a way to get heart-felt emotions.
So, if you want me to take you seriously, and our conversation seriously, you should talk to me; in-person. Preferably over a glass of wine. Where real feelings, emotions, facial expressions all play into communication the way they were intended to. If you say something that sounds important in a text, I will take note of it; as a marker for what I will expect us to discuss for real when we see each other again.
Anything I say that sounds profound or perhaps heart inspired by text, you should verify it next time we get together. I might have just been copying quotes from the episode of The West Wing I was really paying attention to at the time. The writers on that show have some really witty one-liners.
BCG - grab her attention
