The New Jersey Freeway

My frequent trips back and forth to Jersey have been the subject of intense speculation among my friends and family. I make the trips quickly (3 hours or less) and everyone knows I hate driving. So how does this Big City Girl do it? Well here is “The True Hollywood Story.”

I find a playmate.

Disclaimer – If you are traveling with me as a guest in my car, you are safe and sound as a passenger. I will mind the speed limit (you know, within a few miles plus or…well plus) but there are no fun and games. Hands on the wheel – ten and two.

Now by myself, on the New Jersey Turnpike - that is another story. I like to find someone who can entertain me during my adventure.

How does this happen? Well let me tell you –

This playmate usually finds me, rather than the other way around. It will be an un-suspecting person, speeding just a bit more than me, who gets too close to my rear bumper in the fast lane. I notice this, move over quickly to let them pass, then zip back to reciprocate this very rude, pushy driving.

Now if I were a guy, or a wildebeest, the person in question would find me to be either aggressive or very annoying. But I’m usually rapping along to Jay-z or Drake, dancing in my little blue car, and they tend to find it cute rather than obnoxious.

Then the real driving begins. Weaving, bobbing, driving along, we end up tracing a ribbon through the cars going 60-70 miles an hour like a retro Frogger game.

One such game is what got me home this fine Christmas. I found an appropriate playmate and we were zipping and dipping along the parkway accelerating and falling back, keeping in sight all the way.

Let’s pause, for a minute and define what makes an appropriate playmate for this activity.

1 -- This person must be male and in the car by himself. Girlfriends, wives, and mothers do not tend to like this game and male friends make faces and gestures in the passenger seat as if there are the ones doing the driving. Annoying.

2 -- This person should have tags from a place in the direction of my destination. New York and New Jersey are good going north, Maryland, Virginia, DC going south. Pennsylvania and Delaware folks tend not to want to play, and they get off at exits I don’t pay attention to. Playing with them could make me end up in…Pittsburgh. And who wants that?

3 -- This person (let’s just call him a guy) must be driving a little care like mine. He can not have a mini van or a hummer. A Honda, an Accord, and the diamond logo cars work well. They move quickly and can keep up.

So I found such a playmate on my most recent trip. Let’s call him Mr. Maryland crab license plates. He thought he was pushing me to the side of the fast lane, but when I followed him and then passed him, our little game was on.

We weaved and smiled and flirted for about 90 minutes, which was a great way to pass the time. That turnpike is no joke and boring as hell. I pulled in front of him a ways and about 10 minutes later he caught up.

I looked over and said “Oh there you are” and I guess he could read my lips because he laughed.

We hit some traffic, things slowed down, and he was behind me, out of sight, a few cars back. We got to the end of the turnpike, approached the toll, and then he did the unthinkable. He pulled out of the easy pass lane and moved into the cash only lane.

Cash only? Who gets onto the turnpike Christmas weekend without an easy pass? That cash only line stretched the length of Delaware. Are you kidding?

I zipped into the easy pass lane, not even stopping, now listening to Kanye. Like dancing with a guy at the club, when the song changes, you move on.

It was fun while it lasted.

BCG – Drivers wanted.