Travel Light

Love was so much easier when we were young. Boy meets girl, he pulls her ponytail, chases her around the playground; she likes him back. They hold hands in the hallway, eat lunch together, and pass notes when they should be learning algebra. The note gets folded into a cute triangle; that should count for something in geometry, right?

Things start to get very complicated after that. People get into relationships that don’t work with people that disappoint them and it hurts. Getting over the hurt is not easy. Some hold onto the hurt, package it up, and carry it into every new romantic experience.

Baggage.

Some people have a little bit of baggage; like that clear liquids bag you can carry onto the plane. But others have lots of it. Not cute matched Louie V luggage sets where everything has its own compartment and stays in place. Nope, folks walk around with overfilled plastic bags, ripped garbage bags, and rolling suitcases with busted wheels full of old hurts, the mistakes of others, and unrealized expectations. The bags piles up around them, falling onto the floor in the most inopportune times making it impossible get close to them without tripping over something.

Many walk around with the bags for so long; they don’t even realize anymore when stuff falls out of them.

There you are, having a quite dinner at a new trendy restaurant. You’re gazing into each others eyes, laughing, joking, and smiling. Your hands touch in the middle of the table, he looks at you and you think he will say something cute and flirty. You’re waiting in anticipation, and then the waiter comes by to see if you want chocolate lava cake or Italian cream pastry for desert.

You have been looking forward to the lave cake from the moment he recommended the restaurant and you looked up the menu online. But your date’s face gets tight, his expression gets cross, and he says no one is interested in desert and sends the waiter off.

BAM!

After the waiter leaves, one of the bags explodes on the table onto the floor and you spend an hour explaining how you personally have never sleep with your boyfriend’s best friend while he was on a business trip in Italy. So although you realize how hard that was, you don’t actually think it will be a problem for the two of you.

“Are you going to Italy any time soon?” You ask; wondering why this needs to be discussed in lue of chocolate lava cake.

“You’re missing the point. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again, I have to learn from my past.”

So there you are.

No lava cake for you. You’re sitting at the table, exhaustedly wondering how many other conversations like this you will need to have to prove you aren’t her. Conversations about mistakes you have never made and will never make, but obviously have and impact on your budding relationship.

Last week you spent hours talking about your views on pet custody. How IF you moved in together, and IF you decided to get a miniature Snouser together, and IF you broke up, would you let him see the dog for visits. That was a frustrating conversation, but there was no chocolate lava cake involved, so you grinned and created a supportive position to this hypothetic dilemma.

The problem is, although you aren’t perfect (OK, you’re really, really far from perfect) the two of you have not gotten to discuss your mistakes and shortcomings. You’re still defending yourself against someone else’s whacked out mistakes and you spend a lot of time explaining that you are not that person rather than showing who YOU truly are.

Its hard, this love thing. It can be beautiful, strong ,and lasting. But if you throw all of those bags on top of it while it’s just a sapling, it will be dead before it had a chance to grow.

Sadly, many waste emotions on people who think it’s OK to do outlandish things, and as a result are guarded against the real possibilities. Like our friend at the restaurant who just wanted to get to know this new exciting guy. Well, get to know him and try that chocolate lava cake.

Your BCG girl - unpacking