Check Yes, No, Maybe

The evening was winding down at the scholarship gala. I was one of the few souls out on the dance floor enjoying the DJ’s 90’s “remember college” throwback music.  I was a little irritated that the bar closed an hour before the event was over.  THAT to me is a disaster.

Sorry, let me get back to the story.

So, I’m dancing around enjoying myself when two women walk up to me.

"We just wanted to let you know that we are teachers of the students that were given scholarships tonight and one of them has been mesmerized by you all night. He keeps calling you his dream girl in a purple dress.  Would you be willing to talk to him?  It would make his night to have you say hello.”

1 – I love schoolteachers, they use sentences like “Mesmerized by you all night.”

And 2 – How cute was that???

Marcus was his name and he is in the 10^th grade.  He couldn’t looked me in the eye and kept playing with the sleeve on his new, slightly over sized suit jacket. I gave him a hug, told him how handsome he looked, and he returned with the biggest smile ever.

The whole thing was adorable; it reminded me of getting a note from a friend that a boy had passed to her in middle school. 

I like you.  Do you like me?  Check one box:

☐ Yes

☐ No

☐ Maybe

Can we go there again?  When relationships were simple like that?  You check the yes box and two days later you’re “going together” and wearing his varsity jacket.  It was pure and honest.  When you weren’t clicking, you gave back the jacket and a few weeks later someone else passed you a note. 

Now, there are a million ways to communicate in dating, all of it meaning different things.  Messages through texts, emails, Facebook, Twitter, Voxer, Skype… it never ends. 

I liked it when there were less options. Staying up all night on the phone with my boyfriend in high school until we finally fell asleep.  We would wake up in the morning excited to be the first voice the other heard.  It was pure…and yes I know a little silly.  But I think we could all stand to be a little silly now and then.

I went on a date once with a guy who texted me the next day and I have yet to hear from him again.  But he constantly flirts with me on face book.  Can someone please explain what the point is of that?  We had one whack date, can’t we just say that and I give back the jacket?

Drew Barrymore’s character in “He’s Just not That into You” said something that I always loved.  How she misses the days when we had one phone number that was connected to an answering machine with one tape.  And when you came home that tape either had a message from a guy or it didn’t.  You knew where you stood and if you called back, so did he.

I’d like to go back to that, when we had fewer ways to cyber stalk each other.  If you want to talk to me and get to know me, don’t send off a dozen electronic smoke signals.  Just say so when you call. 

Or pass a girl a note with a couple of options.

Checking the box – your BC girl

Swag Hunt

“I just want to let you know, that the first time I fuck you, I might scare you a little.  Because I’m a man, and I know how to do things.”

Well, well, well episode 3^rd of Girls on HBO.  That woke me up.  I won’t ruin the episode for you if you haven’t seen it, (its on demand, maybe go watch it now, it is rather clever). Suffice it to say I felt the same way she did.

There was something refreshing in the shock of this otherwise understated artist taking command in such a primal way.  He moved effortlessly close to her, looked her straight in the eye, and shook her to the core.

I don’t know where that went.  The mater-of-fact-ness of masculinity. Did it get swept up in the ruckus of women storming the castle of the corporate work place?   Was it washed away with the division of household chores forever lost down the kitchen drain in a sudsy mess?

I know it hasn’t become totally extinct.  Commanding men still exist with a presence that blows you over.  Men who know what they want and without consternation take it.  They stand taller, their walk is smoother, and their energy parts crowds leaving a wake of admirers along their path.  Confidence and accomplishments are effortless to them. 

It is a thing of beauty.

I’m not talking about cave men that beat their chests and burb out the alphabet. Stay with me here. There used to be more than just Jay Z and Denzel who had true swagger.  I feel like the ranks are starting to thin out. 

Is it our fault?  Come on guys, you can tell us if it is.  Have us women taking over the boardrooms and the courtrooms suffocated and killed the very thing we find so appealing?  I can’t help but wonder if we have taken it for granted in our race to take over the work place and without the proper sun and watering it has started to wilt.

If so, I think it is time to do something about it.  Before it is too late.  I am willing to lead and recruit for the counter movement if that will bring the man’s man back.   I’m not quitting my job of course sillies, but I will make this my top priority.  Like any good cause, you need a champion, and I, my dear fellas, am your gal.

Just tell us what you need gentlemen, what will help counter this ugly situation?  Don’t be shy; let’s tackle this together.  Is it the cooking thing?  I will teach some women how to cook.  I have to admit, we might have taken the “I’m not going into the kitchen thing” a little too far.  We have to eat too.

Is it more than that?  A little late night stimulation?  I know, let’s lead a field trip or two to the stripe tease classes so that after taking over the world, our manly men have something to look forward to coming home to. 

Will that do it?

Should we call the first lady?  Maybe we should, just in case. She can tell us how she keeps her man with that constant tip when he glides up the steps of Air Force One.  We can make it a full semester course.

We all need to be in this together.  No more pointing fingers across the battle lines of the sexes.  A man stands taller when he has a woman by his side that looks at him and admires him like he runs the world.  And we love looking at you when you look like that.

I think it is time that we brought “Manly” back.

Your Big City Girl – On a full blown swag hunt

East of the West Wing

It’s one of those nights - I’m enjoying disk 29 of my prized complete series of The West Wing.  When I want to be inspired I look to Josh, Toby, Donna, and CJ.  Beautifully flawed yet well intended; they follow their passions even off a cliff.  I am far less noble, but I’m them. My heart leads my actions: good, bad, or otherwise.  And it works, somehow for them, and for me.

I realized in this episode, that I’m Donna.  She’s reading profiles of people eligible for pardons, and she can’t cull down the list because she’s gotten invested in all of their stories.  I too have never learned, in work or play, how to keep life at arms length.  I lead with my heart in…well everything really.  I’m an all-in girl (I think its part of my charm but I might be fooling myself). 

I can appreciate those people who are cool, calm, and collected.  I don’t understand them at all.  I erupt when I’m angry or hurt and throw everything I have behind something or someone I believe in.  When I love something, there is no question.  When I don’t, there is no doubt.  It might be why I love this show so much.  A full cast of people with no capacity to exist without passion.

“You want to impress me? Do something. Talk is cheap.”

A man just yelled that at Toby and stormed away.  That was the line I was looking for: the theme to sum up my day.  A day that was filled with words and meaningless gestures.  I realized that is what I wanted to say.  Wanted to scream, because that’s what we passionates do, we raise our voices when we feel something. 

“Do something!!”

Talk is cheap and I had been talking and listening all day.  Talking and listening for days actually.  Having circular conversations with people chasing their tails.  Spinning in comfortable circles working to convince me that spinning makes sense.  Nothing infuriates me more than being around people who have the capacity to run and do great things – who instead stand there and spin.  I get dizzy very quickly.  And frustrated with the waste of potential even quicker.  I mean, what would Josh do?  He would take action, move ahead, do something that made the world better.  Or at least try to.  He would piss off a lot of people along the way, but the end would justify the means. A step ahead is a step ahead.  It’s infinitely better than spinning in a circle.

“Talk is cheap.”

I don’t really have any answers on this one. You can lead a horse to water but not make them admit they are thirsty.  But at least Donna and the gang made me feel right at home.  I turned off the cell and the blackberry, took a few Advil and drank some sake.  Yeah, I know; dinner of champions.  Don’t worry; I had a slice of my favorite Naked Pizza too.  A girl has to be balanced with all this spinning going on around her.  Maybe tomorrow I can get some of the spinning to stop.

Donna got all but one of the people pardoned. A little passion can go a long way.

Your BC “Donna at heart” Girl 

Fast Cake

I love love LOVE the Porsche Cayman. I have from the second I saw it the first time. I am almost sure, although I don't want to over promise, but there is a strong chance I would be able to solve world peace while driving around in that car. And I would feel like a rock start doing it. No more suites for me; my new Cayman wardrobe would be the Beyonce body suite and 5 inch heels. You would never see me wear paints again.

This isn't a mild fancy like when people say "I really love the way BMW's drive." This is a serious infatuation. I can sense when one is pulling up next to me at a stop light. I'm sitting there, minding my own business, and here comes that beautiful sleek profile sliding herself right next to me. I am gone. It is orgasmic, just seeing that flirty little vixen gets me off. (Yes, I said orgasmic, now please, re- focus…I'm trying to tell a story here).

Picture it, I'm sitting at a light, enjoying my full sun roof, extra cup holders, and anti-lock breaks singing along to Elle Varner. Then this shiny silver Cayman siren saunters up next to my Tiguan. The purr of her engine as it idles let's me know she goes fast. I don't know if the driver is playing Rihanna's "Birthday Cake" or if it is just playing in my head. Either way, I wanna put my name on it.

I've never been the "I love your fast car" girl. But when this one pulls up, I look at the driver, whose name could be Bob, sitting there with his receding gray hair line and "its been a good life" beer belly. My mind wanders - "If we went out for one drink, he might just let me drive."

I don't ask, even though I want to. I let Bob go off into the sunset to deal with his mid-life crisis in MY car alone. I think it is selfish on his part, to keep me from her like this. Considering all the things I could do in that car -- including solve world peace. I might have to talk to him about it at the next light.

Your BC Girl has icing on her fingers

I am Bridget Jones

“You just have to realize that life is not a romantic comedy.”

Someone said this to me recently. They felt that people don’t just follow their hearts in love and it was silly for me to think otherwise. There are factors, conditions, and other considerations. Love is not the end all be all and those other factors control relationships, not love.

I’ve been pondering the idea trying to decide if I agree.

To think this over, I first needed a reference point of true romantic comedies:*

Bridget Jones’ Diary

When Harry Met Sally

He’s Just Not That Into You

Love and Basketball

Sweet Home Alabama

How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days

Love Jones

Brown Sugar

Plot Overview Summary: Boy meets girl. Girl is slightly neurotic, but in a loveable “dressing on the side” kinda way that make her totally endearing. Things aren’t exactly right. Boy and girl go through some stuff, but they overcome. True love conquers all and they end up together in the end. Throw in a fake orgasm scene, a fight scene with yummy Hugh Grant, a nice but boring fiancé, and Hip Hop/poetry and there you have it.

If you ask me, it doesn’t seem to be all that complicated and sounds a lot like what happens in real life. Except for the yummy Hugh Grant part. I keep looking for him in my office so I can sashay by in my short skirt but he seems to be away on leave; indefinitely.

But other than that, people go through those things. They make up, they break up, they chase the wrong girl, say stupid stuff, and fall in stupid foolish total love. So my question is: Why do we make life more complicated than a romantic comedy? Why don’t we all just put it on the line like Bridget Jones and follow our hearts?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand: there are factors in relationships. None of those movies have a “Whose turn is it to do the laundry?” scene. Or a 2 am “My ass was just in the toilet AGAIN because you left the seat up. I swear to God I will stab you in your sleep if you do it again” scene. Those things are part of relationships and you have to be able to work them out. But that is life. And it isn’t unique to romantic relationships. So what is wrong with following your heart with the understanding that regardless of who you love or how hard you love them, you will have to take out the garbage? I don’t see why you would let the fact that the garbage has to go out be your driving force.

I think I can trace the difference in our views of real life verses the romantic comedy back to the moment where someone puts their heart on the pavement to fight for what they really want. The “I’ll play for your heart” in Love and Basketball. The “When did you fall in love with hip hop” in Brown Sugar. And I’m starting to think that if you don’t stand up in that moment when it happens and fight, you just miss it. There is something about the passion of the fight against all odds and reason that separates the RoCom from real life. If you miss the moment, you likely miss out on your happily ever after. And you still have to take out the garbage.

Now let's be clear, I hear the argument that lasting relationships are not based on that love alone. That it fades, and you have to fall back on the responsibilities and friendship to make a relationship last. But when I hear people say that I often believe they are talking about lust not love. No, wanting to ravish a person every time you see them will not make for a 30-year long marriage. (But it might get you solidly through the first 5 years if you do it right *wink*).

But are you closer to that 30-year marker if you ration out your heart in pursuing your relationships? There is something to be said for not trying to control your emotions and following them. Like Matthew McConaughey chasing after Kate Hudson on the Brooklyn Bridge on his motorbike. You may not get the girl. But it seems to me the alternative is just as bad. And there is the chance that you will get the girl. And she already knows that you were a player before you met her and loves you anyway.

Something about letting that passion lead just might be exactly the answer to making relationships last. Because that passion is you. The real you. And the object of your affection is getting something real, in all of its intensity. I hear about so many relationships that end after the muted “representative” of a person goes away. That moment when people finally put themselves out there and their mate (months or years later) is forced to deal with the real person that they have never seen before who has appeared. I say you jump all in and follow your heart from the start and be real. It might not make every relationship work. But the ones that do will have that real staying power.

I’m even more certain now that I was before that for some people life is a romantic comedy. Just like I know there are rich people even though my bank account doesn’t show it. Some people do follow their hearts and find true love like Bridget Jones. If you don’t believe they really exist, it just means you aren’t one of them.

Yet.

But if you are the person who is hiding yummy Hugh Grant at your office, give me a ring. We should do lunch. I have just the right outfit.

Your hopelessly romantic BCG

* If you have not seen any of these movies call/message me now and we will make a weekend out of it. Because you are seriously missing out of you haven’t laughed at Reese Witherspoon punching Candace Bergen in the face with a Southern accent.

Too Many Cities Girl

So somewhere along the line, I can’t quite place the genius, my apartment turned into a frat house. There are massive amounts of liquor in every single room (don’t even ask, I’m not getting into it). My entire wardrobe is dirty on one of my floors making getting dressed for tomorrow my next big adventure. Well getting dressed and not falling on my face trying to run to the bathroom in the middle of the night; so two adventures daily…who knew how much you could fit into a day?

I’ve building a tower of naked pizza boxes, as their pizza has become my vehicle for all 4 food-groups (grain, dairy, veggies, and meat. AND it is organic; I’m brilliant at multi-tasking!)

I have a golf driver in my living room that I think grew from the carpet like magic and now I have to get a big bulb to replace the one I broke in my living room when I was play swinging it around. And the kitchen light is hanging from the frame, but I’m not tall enough to fix it. (Which I believe means I definitely didn’t break it. I didn’t ever bring the club into that room at all, I swear).

Red cups keep spring up everywhere with stuff in them. Is there a gnome sneaking in here tapping the left over Hennessey? I didn’t even drink whatever bottle of liquor I just found on the patio.

OK…might be time to clean this ish up. I’m just going to practice my swing a few more times first.

Your "rather be golfing" BCG

He Said She Said

I am reminded today of a theory a friend and I constructed in college about how differently men and women view time when dating.

Female’s Perspective:

Day 1

Girl meets boy.

Day 4

Girl continues to be frustrated by waiting for boy to call. Has amassed 4 conference calls with closest 5 female friends to figure out what he is doing and why it would keep him from calling.

Day 5

Girl gets fed up with ridiculous length of wait and determines boy is not worth her time. Would most likely be awful in bed. Girl would then have to lie and tell him it was good. Would feel really bad about that. She is not a liar. Decides then and there: she is not going to become a liar for a silly boy. The nerve; expecting her to change just to be with him.

Day 6

Crazy ex-girlfriend potential is added to bad in bed concerns during daily female friend conference call. Is determined that no normal woman would tolerate this hypothetical potentially insane behavior. If said crazy woman were to do something like - keying girl’s car…who has time or money for such repairs? This coupled with the bad in bed fact is making it challenging to justify keeping him around during conference calls. Girl is certain; best just to call the whole thing off.

Day 7

Boy FINALLY calls to ask girl out. Although annoyed, girl refers back to Church message that week on forgiveness and determines she will overlook his transgressions. She agrees to go out with him. Girl is very forgiving you know; Like Jesus. She knows it might be asking for trouble, but she allows the past issues to slide. Boy seems nice, and who knows, people are able to change. He can change and she is just the woman to help him do it. Girl makes mental note: reward self with a pedicure for being such a giving person.

Day 9

Girl and boy have a great date. Laughing, talking, and joking for hours on end. Boy must be very into her because they closed down the restaurant. If he weren’t having the best time of his life, would he have insisted they have desert? Girl must remember to bring up that very point on tomorrow’s conference call about how into her he must be.

Day 10

Girl keeps cell phone on vibrate all day within eye glance during all meetings and appointments. Certain boy will call, she practices her “Oh hi; I wasn’t expecting to hear from you today” line in work bathroom mirror.

Day 13

During female friend conference call serious questions are raised about boy’s ability to be a good husband. Given how flighty and inconsiderate he is and all. How can she be expected to share the rest of her life with someone who has no manors? They will have to have a serious talk about his behavior very soon.

Day 16

Important discovery is made during female friend conference call. After evaluating all clues and subtle signs it is determined that boy's so called “job” MUST just be a front for drug trafficking. It is best that he is now out of the picture. Girl is not the “ride or die” type of chick. She would never shove drugs or other things up her bum to sneak into the clink to keep him from getting killed in the joint like the jail house special on HBO.

Day 18

Boy calls girl to say hello. Girl is not only confused, but also annoyed. What type of girl does he take her for? Nothing gets stuffed up her rear for anyone! It is insulting that he has the nerve to “Say hi” when there are such pressing issues on the table. A mental note is made to discuss this on today’s conference call about him. Girl determines things must change if they are going to move forward in any serious way at all.

Male perspective:

Day X to Day X:

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy calls girl and asks her out. Boy and girl go out and have an OK time. Boy calls girl to say hi. Might ask her out again. Might not.